I don’t know what I did, where I went wrong, but everything is falling apart at the seams. According to her, I’m an uncaring, self-righteous asshole who thinks of nothing but himself. All I’ve tried to do is make things work. I take care of her to the best of my ability. When she wants to go somewhere, I put my life on pause and we go. When she wants food, I make what she asks for. I clean. I work. I’m even searching for a better paying job so I can support the both of us.
Am I a fool? Am I being used? I sure as hell feel like it. I give my undying love on a day to day basis, with no apparent reciprocation. Every day we drift further apart. She sleeps in a different room. She has for almost a month now. Won’t even spend 10 minutes in the same room to talk, or cuddle, or do anything to actually help support our supposed “relationship”. She is, however, fine with sleeping in that room with another man not 5 feet from her. Am I too loveblind to see what’s happening right in front of my eyes? Perhaps I’m being paranoid, But I fear the worst; and she won’t listen to a word I say when I try to explain why.
By nature I’m a caring person who tries to help others in any way I can, with or without compensation. I’m also prone to bottling up emotions to the point where it’s detrimental to my own health. The combination of those two traits is beginning to take its’ toll on me. My heart is in shambles, my soul is hanging by a thread. I’ve been trod on for far longer than I should ever have put up with. But without the capacity to express my feelings, save for by medium of writing, I’m unable to put a stop to it.
Perhaps this passage is nothing but the petty rambling of one whose problems are insignificant; perhaps it’s a cry for help. If it turns out to be the latter, I only hope my plea reaches the right ears. I hope to find a constructive outlet, a helping hand, or a friend who can show the compassion I need to make it through another lonely, painful day.